Knot

I am feeling like a knot that is trying to undo itself. What kind of proper reasoning suggests you do nothing when you see a girl you like giving you signals, especially when you haven't had sex for months? My kind of reasoning I guess.

Although I am not the god of social life, I guess I had my share of fanciers. Even recently. Let me eliminate the ones that I don't like, not as rudeness, but as a fact. With the rest, no matter how wide and obvious the window they give me is, I always act like a twelve year old. Don't meet new people, if you do don't talk, if you do, run away immediately. I do this.

I'm not sure if it is the fear of rejection or fear of change or fear of losing me (who is, among many other good qualities, a wanker in the end). It's like I'm punishing myself by not enjoying this side of life. I hate imagining myself as an impotent and needy person, but I am now. My judgement is clouded, my body is in a weird state and I'm not as rational as I am used to being.

My neck hurts. More soon...